Who Knows

The one thing I know, is if this time you f*ck up .. I am really thinking I need to walk away.

Mainly because you are building me up right now and making it seem like you do care and that you understand how close it is to me being gone. That you don't want that so you are trying to keep this family together. If you fail at that, well I don't know why I should stay.

I don't want to be my mother, being angry and hurtful to others, everyone actually for that fact. I don't want to be my dad living in an environment where he just isn't happy either. They are both just sad and upset. I would like to believe it's because they didn't communicate, but who knows .. really.

All I know in our relationship is I haven't been the best. I do remember being happy. I remember believing what you told me. And then because of my Ed I blamed myself for everything that ending up turning up. All the lies were some how in some way my fault. Then this past year with what's gone on, the fact that I was you know where and you tell me it was my fault and I deserved it. I don't think I'll ever forgive you for that. Well no, I will forgive, but I will never forget that feeling. How you hurt me.

Song I'm listening to there's this one part that goes, Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over, why'd I've believe in it was always something I've done.

I just question your authenticity on how you actually think of me. If you really are willing to work for us. If you truly love me. If you actually want to live to the end of days with me. If you care that tomorrow I could be dead. And my whole thought process now is that I have to give it a bit of time, but not a whole lot of time. You have your chance I guess is what I'm saying. I'm not dumb either and think that we wouldn't have another argument or whatever, but it needs to be done the way that I was having to address it.

And I do say me yes, but only because you wouldn't listen and would blow everything off.  All that mattered was you! I don't even know how you could sit here and watch what I'm doing to myself and be okay with it.. not necessarily okay but okay in the matter that you just sat there and knew how ppl where hurting me. Some of them your family and just saying oh well. Oh well wasn't good enough for me. I moved because you said this and that getting it from your family! Then I get treated that way??? Come on now!

Well, done for now, hope we figure things out.