Shrug

I hate giving you my trust again. I don't even think you realize that. You think you have it and that it's no big deal, well it is to me. If I get hurt again.. which I mean I get I will get hurt but hoping I don't get hurt the way I had in the past. It's just if I do get hurt like that I just really don't know what it'll do to me.

That's what I can't get over right now. I gave you all of me .. my honesty my openest my family .. and you just looked at it all and crumpled it up and threw it like it was garbage. And yet then you would ask for another chance. Obviously I've always given it as well.

The problem is, I am the one getting like ALL the blame for it. You got a pass and here I am getting everything put on me. It's all my fault. I do know my family doesn't believe that. I only wished I was wish my family at this moment. That we lived back home. My family might have arguments and we might have the whole Telephone game going on, it's just the difference of We are ALWAYS there for one another. I don't trust your family at all. They seem to support the idea of out for yourself type of idea. And that's just not what I am about.

And I do miss feeling like you love me. It's almost become this type of roommate situation .. cept we for the most part sleep in the same bed. Other then that.. ??

I do care about you a lot. I believe that obvious in what I have done. (not the punch or the throwing of the phone), but just that I've stood by your side. I have fought for you. Just wished you would do the same for me, and your really not. Your just sitting by and letting it continue to take place. As soon as Casey said shit about you I freaked out, because as far as I'm concerned no one is going to talk about or to you like that. Well only me hah! But I really just wished you would do the same for me, specially when it's coming to your mom or your sister saying things. Instead I'm sitting there wondering what to do. Only because it's family, it's your family and how do I say something that wouldn't affect you and then it would cause problems between us. Haha.. that's funny cause I guess I should have just said something considering it is also causing problems between us now.

Anyways, my point is that I don't know how to feel like you have my back. Or that your not that like strong building that is going to stand strong for me. Make sure that I'm protected as well as your children. All I know is right now I have to be that.